Something in The Way
by BurgerHut23
Summary: Jade leaves a note in Tori's locker saying goodbye.
**Hello beautiful people, this is just something I wrote because I couldn't get the idea out of my head.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own VicTORIous blah blah blah legal stuff.**

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Dear Tori,

I only have a short time to write this so excuse the scratch outs and sloppy handwriting. I know your pretty little face is probably wondering what this is. Who's it from? How the hell did it get in my locker? Well by the end of this note all your questions should be answered, unless you're as dense as I thought you were.

Firstly, ever since you came to Hollywood Arts, I made your life a living hell. I've literally done everything in my power to humiliate, torture, and belittle your entire existence. I think I did a pretty good job if I do say so myself. Remember the time I pushed you off that balcony because you were too much of a pussy to just do the damn stunt? What about the time I stole your identity to go on that fucked up game show?  
Or what about that other time... I'll stop rambling and get to the point.

I didn't do all that stuff because I hated you. No, that was not the reason at all. I know you're probably pretty shocked to hear this but it's true. You'll probably be even more shocked when I tell you the reason why. Quite scandalous if you ask me.

You see the thing is Vega, I actually liked you, liked you a lot. And not in the friendly way either. I wanted us to... be together. You know, girlfriend and girlfriend. I'll cut the crap, I love you. Close your mouth Vega jeez. I said that I loved you, not that I'm a member of fucking ISIS.

This is harder than I thought. I loved you not because of some love at first sight bullshit you hear in movies or read in bad literature. I loved you because you weren't afraid of me. You always gave me a challenge. Everything I dished out, you took. Don't get me wrong Vega, at first I thought you were just as naïve as Cat. Who takes a detention for someone who falsely accused them of giving them a black eye? You apparently. You never surrendered and I loved you for it.

We had some good times too Tor. I'll never forget the time when you helped me fund the only play my twit of a father had ever seen. He told me it was good, probably because you were standing there, but that was the first and last time he ever complimented anything that I did. Of course when we got home, he gave me an ear full about how Hollywood Arts was a waste of time and money and that I should go to school for business like him. I told him he could fuck off and he kicked me out. When I came to your house crying at 10pm, you didn't turn me away, or say it wasn't your problem. And when we talked about it all night, you didn't treat me like I was a burden.

When I fell asleep on your bed, you slowly got in beside me and wrapped your arms around me. You tried to make sure I was asleep because you probably thought I was going to hit you or something. I was conscious Tor, and in fact I actually liked it. It made me feel safe. Like I belonged there, in your arms. It was a safeness I didn't feel with anyone else. Then, the next day at school, I'd pretend it never happened. You'd greet me at my locker with your big brown eyes, full of sparkle and shine. And I'd tell you to fuck off. The light in your eyes sometimes dimmed, but it never went away.

I made a habit of knocking on your door at night, hoping you'd answer. You always did. Whether it was about Beck or my father, you always listened. You never got tired of it. Well you never showed you were tired of it.

Speaking of Beck, I didn't love him like I thought I loved him. We have a brother sister type of love, nothing more, nothing less. In a way, I think he knew this, but didn't want to let go. He also knew that there was someone else. He just didn't know that someone else was you. This'll probably hurt him more than it hurts you, but I know his flock of air headed girls will keep him company. I feel kind of bad for leading him on.

These past few weeks you probably noticed I was a little harder on you. I guess because I knew I'd be leaving soon and I was going to miss you. I needed to distance myself from you. If that meant being more of a bitch than usual it had to be done. I don't want you to hurt because of me Tori. Well, not now at least. Before, I wanted to be the only one that caused you pain. Or the only one that made you feel good. I felt as though it was my job to give you both pain and pleasure. But I can't do that anymore. I'm gone now.

I wish you could've seen the soft side of me all the time Tori, not just when I was at your house. I wish I would've showed you how much I loved you while I was still alive. But I couldn't. I couldn't allow myself to be vulnerable. The thing is, I hate being vulnerable. It's just how I'm programmed. But when I was with you, my walls of defense would fall down and I got scared.

Do you know how hard it is to put your trust in somebody Vega? To give them your all? To invest so much time in someone that forever is more than a word? You see, I couldn't tell you that I loved you while I was still alive. That would've gave you too much power. If I would've told you I loved you, it would've been like giving you a gun and holding it to my chest, waiting for you to pull the trigger and tell me you don't feel the same way. Do you think I'm that fucking stupid to allow you, or any fucking body to do that to me? NO!

That's why I have to go. I can't keep living like this. I want to trust you Tori, I really do. But I've been hurt so many times by so many people I just can't. What kind of life can you live when you can't trust people?

A lonely life.

A sad life.

Even when I'm around the gang: Beck, Robbie, Cat, Andre, and you my love, I can't help but be overcome with the feeling of loneliness and it fucking hurts. It hurts Tori. I'm sorry I'm leaving like this.

I wanted to end the letter with something sweet, since you're probably a sobbing mess right now. And you have one ugly cry so I feel the need to put a smile on your face.

You probably don't remember this but we were on your couch, my head was in your lap and you were stroking my hair. You called my name but I didn't respond. I guess you assumed I was asleep and said, "Tú eres mi cielo."

As soon as I got home I looked up the meaning because I could've sworn you were insulting me in Spanish. To my surprise it meant, "You are my heaven." Ever since then, whenever I was over your house, I wouldn't go to sleep just so I could hear you say that to me. It was music to my ears. I'm grinning like an idiot as I write this because it makes me feel so good to hear you say that. Just know I'll die with a smile on my face because of you Tori.

I don't know what you meant by me being your heaven, but I hope whenever you look at the sky you think of me. No matter what the weather is or if it's night or day.

People usually say in these things "someday we'll meet again." The truth is, we won't. I don't believe in Heaven, and if there is one, I definitely won't be going there. If there is one, you'll be the prettiest Angel up there. See how much of a cheese ball you turned me into.

Please don't cry Victoria, don't waste your tears on me.

Love,

Jade

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 **I think that was the longest suicide note I ever read. Feel free to review, tell me how you would've wrote it differently, point out any typos or errors and crap. I'm still getting used to writing stories so your criticism will be greatly appreciated, good or bad. So don't be shy and don't hold back.**

 **Another thing, don't do suicide. It's really bad and it hurts a lot of people. I hate when people say "talk to someone if you're feeling depressed." I mean yeah that helps but at the end of the day it's up to you to make yourself feel better. Never depend on anyone for happiness.**

 **Ew I hate getting serious, it feels weird.**

 **Later guys**


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